


beyond the walls

by tealeafthief



Series: Good Omens ficlets [4]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Anxiety, COVID-19, Corona Virus - Freeform, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Good Omens Lockdown, Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), Ineffable Idiots (Good Omens), Love Confessions, M/M, Mutual Pining, No Smut, References to Depression, hello this is a vent fic because hey lockdown is fucking Hard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-05
Updated: 2020-05-05
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:40:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24012988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tealeafthief/pseuds/tealeafthief
Summary: “I’ll see you… when this is over”The heavy sigh at the other end of the phone tugged at Aziraphale’s heart, and the guilt began to set in.“Right. I’m setting the alarm clock for July. Goodnight, angel.”*Even after the apocalypse, after their hard-fought freedom, an angel and demon continue to dance around eachother. And with the world going through a spot of bother, the two of them are feeling especially vulnerable.Occult (and Etherial) beings can't even spread the virus.So why are they so far apart?*A response to the lovely Good Omens: Lockdown special, and a birthday present to one of my favourite shows/books, and a vent fic to get out how I'm feeling about quarantining on my own (spoiler: not great!)
Relationships: Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Series: Good Omens ficlets [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1457629
Comments: 14
Kudos: 87





	beyond the walls

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys!
> 
> First of all, just wanted to say if you follow my other fics, they are not abandoned! Just struggling with motivation lately, as we all are. But I haven't forgotten about them, or you! I promise I'm doing my best <3
> 
> Secondly, I still think the ending to the Lockdown present was lovely, and it would have been a bit counter productive for them to encourage people to break lockdown to visit loved ones. They did what they had to do, and now here I am reversing that! Because my depressed ass has been mostly on my own for well a month and a half now and I've been Struggling. So yeah, mostly a vent fic, but I still hope you enjoy!
> 
> Chin up, we'll get through this.

“I’ll see you… when this is over”

The heavy sigh at the other end of the phone tugged at Aziraphale’s heart, and the guilt began to set in.

“Right. I’m setting the alarm clock for July. Goodnight, angel.”

The dial tone afterwards felt like a slap in the face. Aziraphale sighed, setting the phone down and leaning back into his armchair, gazing out the window. The weather had been uncharacteristically lovely for the first few weeks of lockdown, but had now given away to a far more familiar torrent of rain over the last few days.

He stretched out a hand to a small table next to his chair for one of the freshly baked cherry scones he had made earlier in the afternoon. He really  _ had  _ enjoyed baking in his free time, seeing the process that went into one of his favourite earthly pleasures. And the results were tremendously rewarding.

_ “I could slither over, watch you eat cake…” _

He shuddered at just how very  _ tempting  _ the offer had been. 

No, absolutely out of the question. Really, what was he even  _ thinking _ .

He was an angel, for goodness’ sake. He had to set an example, he could hardly be seen inviting people round during a government lockdown! Why, the police would be called, for one thing, and he really didn’t have the energy to deal with  _ that _ right now.

Besides, if Crowley  _ did _ come over, he suspected it would be tremendously difficult to watch him leave again. 

He couldn’t quite put a label on what they were, he and Crowley. The apocalypse had brought town any false pretension that they were enemies. They knew they were that. Not enemies. But neither could say just how far it went after that.

Aziraphale didn’t make it easier on either of them, he knew that. Any meeting between them, though no longer secret, still made anxiety pool in his gut, so certain that he’d be cornered and attacked again by disproving and far _stronger_ angels.

But he longed for Crowley when they were apart. Turning him down was torture.

It was for the best. He knew he wasn’t exactly  _ easy  _ to be around. He was fussy and fastidious and uptight and snobbish - Gabriel had always said so. Crowley would become annoyed with him easily, that much was for certain, so it was for the best to limit their time together. No having to come back from arguments if you have as few as possible.

A sharp knock at the door very nearly had him choking on a mouthful of scone. Who on  _ earth  _ was out and about right now, especially in the rain. He huffed and marched towards the door. The blind had been kept down on the windows, and a handwritten sign (“We are most  _ definitely _ closed until this dastardly business is over with. Thank you, and have a lovely lockdown. A.Z.F.”) was taped firmly to the glass from the inside. Anyone could see it. He wondered if it might be more burglars, only very polite burglars. He  _ did  _ have some choux buns in the fridge…

He didn’t bother to open the door, just shouted over the rain.

“Sorry, but if you would be so kind as to read the sign, you would see-”

“Angel, for someone’s sake, it’s me.” Aziraphale’s breath caught in his throat and he unlocked the door, yanking it open. Crowley stood in his usual attire, which is to say it was  _ completely  _ unsuitable for the weather. He was drenched, and looking extraordinarily unhappy about it. In one hand was a bottle of wine.

“ _ Crowley!  _ What on earth do you think you’re doing here, I told you to stay home-”

“And I disobeyed you! Out and about in quarantine, very defiant of me. Consider yourself thwarted, angel. Now for Someone's sake, let me and hand me the corkscrew.” He said, attempting to move past him. Aziraphale, guardian of the eastern gate, stood his ground.

“Crowley, we can’t! It’s against the rules, we have to stay home!” He insisted. “Besides, you said you were going to sleep!” 

“Well, I’ll sleep here then!” He insisted. “Still isolating, I’m just gonna isolate here instead! Not like I’m bringing any illness into the place, and I can’t carry it! You’ve got a bedroom, right? Now let me in, I’m freezing out here.”

“Crowley, really, you’re being ridiculous-”

“Please.”

Aziraphale startled. 

Crowley  _ never  _ said please. Just on principle.

“Wh-...what?”

Crowley snapped his fingers, and disappeared from the front of the shop, reappearing six feet behind Aziraphale. The angel spun round, shutting the door against the rain as Crowley dripped onto the bookshop floor, wine still clutched tightly in his hand. 

“There we go! Inside now, and it would be pretty irresponsible to let me go back out, into the big bad infectious city, wouldn’t it?” He teased.

“Crowley,  _ really _ , this is dramatic even for you! It should only be a few more…” weeks? Months? Ye- oh dear, best not to think about that. 

“Well, then just let me stay!” Crowley spat, feigning nonchalance. “I’ll sleep the whole time, if you don’t want to see me, just… please, Aziraphale.”

There it was again.  _ Please. _ Going against the nagging, and frankly useless, voice in his head that told him to maintain a distance of two metres, he strode slowly towards the demon.

“My dear boy,” he said softly, “of  course  I _want_ to see you!”

“Yeah? Could’a bloody fooled me, ‘out of the question’, you said. Just…have I done something wrong?” 

Aziraphale’s heart sank, and he strode over to cup the demon's face with his hands. He was cold, and he could feel fine tremors running through his body. He was cold, and exhausted if his posture said anything.

“ _ Nothing! _ My dear, you’ve done nothing wrong. I mean…I suppose going out in the rain  _ in the middle of a global pandemic  _ wasn’t the smartest thing-”

“You told me to!” Crowley said sharply, the hand that wasn’t holding wine reaching up to cover Aziraphale’s. He didn’t remove the hand from his face, just held it there. “So, you’re fine with me doing it to tempt the bloody humans, but not to see my best friend? Just…just  _ tell  _ me if something’s wrong, if I’ve done something because I…” his voice cracked, and he cleared his throat to cover it, “I’m sick to bloody death of doing this on my own.”

“Crowley-”

“I know, I know we’ve gone longer not seeing each other, and I know everyone else is going through the same thing, it’s just…fucking  _ hard _ , Aziraphale. I tried to go out for a drive, just to look at something other than my own bloody walls, and I got stopped, not for going too fast, the bastard just wanted to know if I was making an essential trip. I’m not like you, I can’t throw myself into baking and reading and all your bloody adorably hobbies. It’s  _ hard  _ angel, it’s so fucking hard and…I can’t do it by myself.”

As he spoke, Aziraphale felt something hot and wet brush against his thumb where it rested on Crowley’s face, and he realised, horrifyingly, that the demon was  _ crying.  _

Without thinking about it, he pulled Crowley into an awkward, unrehearsed hug, something neither of the two were at all accustomed to. Crowley nervously cushioned his face into Aziraphale’s soft, broad shoulders, maneuvering his sunglasses to rest on his head. Crowley didn’t make any noise, just trembled in Aziraphale’s uncertain hold as the angel's shoulder became damp. 

“Crowley, my dear I’m so sorry I…you can stay, of  _ course  _ you can stay, I just…bugger, I’m not good with this sort of thing, I just…thought you’d prefer not to be cooped up with me.”

“What the bloody hell gave you that stupid idea?” Crowley murmured, muffled by his shoulder. “Why wouldn’t I want to spend time with you?”

“Oh, you know me. I’d get on your nerves, without even meaning to, and we’d fight and I…” he didn’t know how best to convey his fears. The news reports of the divorce rate increasing in lockdown, of friendships and relationships torn apart by the strain of it. How desperately he needed to prevent that from happening. 

“You mean like we have been for the past 6000 years? We’ve fought before, angel, I do  _ know  _ you.”

“Yes, but things have changed. Since the apocalypse, they’ve  _ changed _ -”

“Have they?” Crowley pulled himself away, and looked Aziraphale in the eyes. Crowley’s own eyes were still watery, and he could see the signs of many sleepless nights in the purple skin and heavy bags. “Because I…it sometimes feels like things are still the same, angel. You’re my best friend, but...it’s  _ more  _ than that, you have to understand it’s more than that, right?  _ You’re _ more…but we never bloody talk about it, any of it. I have no idea where we are.”

Aziraphale felt like he could faint under the attention, his pulse skyrocketing. He tried to speak, but he could hardly breathe. 

“I…I’m sorry, I know, I… I know. The same, you’re….the same. More than best friends I…It’s so silly, so very silly and stupid, but Crowley I’m…I’m afraid.”

“Afraid?”

“Maybe…maybe you won’t like me as much, when things change, properly. And…and this is such a tense time and we’d be well and truly trapped in here together if you stay, and I don’t want us to fall out and then never see each other again because I won’t stop being annoying, I couldn’t bare it, I-”

“Shh, hey, it’s okay angel. It’s okay, can you take some deep breaths for me?” Aziraphale nodded, collecting himself, wringing his hands nervously. “It’s okay, angel, really it is. Just…we’ve both been a bit stupid, haven’t we?”

“H-how on earth do you mean?”

“I was staying away because I thought you didn’t want me here, you were keeping me away because you thought I wouldn’t want to stick around. When all this time we could have just been…together.” Aziraphale managed to huff out a laugh. 

“Yes…yes. That is rather silly of us, isn’t it?”

“Yeah. But I think that’s very us, eh? Wouldn’t feel right if we weren’t being incompetent.”

“Yes. I suppose it’s-”

“If you say ‘ineffable’, I shan’t wake up ‘til August.”

Aziraphale laughed, and it broke the tension in his chest as he was finally able to breathe normally again. He stepped forward, laying his head down on Crowley’s shoulder.

“You…don’t have to sleep if you don’t want to, my dear.”

“Oh?” Crowley breathed out, his arms coming up to pull Aziraphale closer to him, still awkward and unsure. “Don’t know how much fun I’ll be awake, to be honest with you. Been a bit mopey since this all started, it’s uh…it’s not a good look on me. Don’t want to bring you down.” Aziraphale shook his head fiercely. 

“Nonsense. I shan’t have you facing this alone anymore, my dear. I’m so terribly sorry I didn’t notice how you were suffering, and I swear to you that if you’re willing to put up with me here, I shan’t leave you lonely.”

“Ngk,” Crowley articulated, his arms tightening just a fraction. “Ah, yeah. Yeah, I reckon I can deal with that. No hang-ups about breaking the rules, then?” Aziraphale smiled and pulled away, walking purposefully towards the kitchenette in the back room.

“Really, a terrible excuse on my part. There’s no danger in you being here, Crowley, there never was. A very poor lie, though I suppose I never was terribly good at lying, was I? Now, didn’t you mention something about watching me eat cake with that  _ delightful _ vintage you’re carrying?”

Crowley choked on whatever it was he attempted to say in response, and snapped, drying away the remaining damp from the rain, and following his angel to the cake. A delicious apple and cinnamon sponge sat in the cake-stand on the table, so far untouched. Fitting, really, an apple cake. 

Aziraphale wondered if this was how Eve felt. Just one glimpse into a forbidden truth, and life would never be the same. Yes, they were leaving the Garden.

But they were doing it together.

And only She knows what’s outside of those tall, guarded walls.

He had no idea what would happen next, how long it would be before he would bring himself to step out of the bookshop, until he was able to go out and eat again, to walk through St James’ without a mask on and a heavy guilt in his chest.

And wasn’t there something so terrifyingly human about that?

He had lived through worse, he had seen humanity ravaged by disease before. And he’d done it each time with his demon at his side. Silly of him to think of leaving him out for this one, really.

Crowley took a small dessert fork, carving off a mouthful of the delicate sponge, layered with spiced, caramelised apples, and brought it up to Aziraphale’s mouth, serpents eyes wide and unblinking.

Grinning, Aziraphale took a bite.

_ We’ll get through this, my dear friend. _

_ Don’t let the sun go down on you here. _

**Author's Note:**

> Stay inside, stay safe, wash your hands.
> 
> May we come out of this dreaming of whatever we like best.


End file.
